PARENTS: Hold the Line!
“If children were meant to run the home, they would have been born larger.” - Foster W. Cline
Autonomous Children?
It seems everyone has an opinion about how we should raise our children and what goes on in everyone else's lives. We get input from psychologists, "studies", friends, parents, and, in modern times, our children themselves. While the natural progression of human development is to slowly obtain autonomy, the idea that children are born with autonomous ability is irrational. Decision-making, judgment, planning, working memory, and impulse control take place in the frontal lobe of the brain, which is the last to develop, peaking at around 25 years of age. During the teen years, other areas of the brain are blasted with hormones and begin to change rapidly, leaving the child with an increasing desire to be independent. With the frontal lobe lagging behind, the need for strong, consistent guidance so as not to be left with making impactful decisions they may later regret also increases. Decisions that cannot be "undone".
“Effective parenting centers around love: love that is not permissive, love that doesn’t tolerate disrespect, but also love that is powerful enough to allow kids to make mistakes and permit them to live with the consequences of those mistakes.” - Foster W. Cline
The Road to Independence
I hear many parents remark that "I just want my child to be happy!". But what makes your child happy in early childhood through their teen years is not what will make them happy later. We must ask ourselves if allowing them to do what makes them happy now could result in an unhappy adulthood. Most parents would agree that allowing our children to drink sodas and consume a processed and sugar based diet makes them happy as they resist healthy, balanced meals, but we adults know that this leads to health and behavioral problems that could last into adulthood. The majority of us don't allow our children to skip-out on education because our child simply don't feel like doing the work (though an increasing issue in the past decade) because we know that education is an essential part of preparing them for the future, giving them knowledge and a disciplined mind. So, what about the more serious issues as our children get older? If we aren't holding the line on basic matters that pertain to their health and wellbeing, how will we confront the more serious, social issues that present in adolescence and teen years? How do we respond to cell phones and unhealthy relationships? What is our role and how far does it reach? The answer to many of these questions is common sense.
Cell Phones: Introduction to Social Media
Any of us would be hard-pressed to find an adult under 60 or a child over 8 that doesn't have a cell phone or some kind of electronic device with internet access. With that in mind, how are we supposed respond to kids and cell phones, or kids and social media? The first excuse parents typically make when handing a child their first cell phone is "They need it for safety!". Parents want their child to be able to call them if they have an emergency. Now, a common sense perspective is that, if your child has an emergency, someone around them likely has a cell phone and will get help. The other perspective is this, what are the chances that a child will be in an emergency where they are unable to contact you in comparison with the chances they will access or be accessed by inappropriate content or individuals online? I'm almost positive that the second possibility is the most likely. Unless you are giving your child a flip phone without internet access, they will access the internet. Even phones like Gabb and Pinwheel can be worked around, though they reduce the likelihood of exposure.
90% of teens 13-17 use social media, according to the "American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry", and nearly half of all American teens use social media "constantly", meaning, all day every day. 42% of all kids in America have a cell phone by age 10. 71% percent by age 12 and by age 14, 91% of all kids have constant access to friends and social media. With that, sexual assault cases related to social media have risen by 300% since 2015, and still, teens are accessing their phones an average of 9 hours per day.
This is truly terrifying information and we have to ask ourselves, why are WE allowing this? Are we obligated to give our children phones because they'll feel left out or be made fun of? In some cases, children can't even make friends without a cell phone. Is there even a simple solution? The answer is that, the solution isn't simple and it's going to require a lot of effort. Limiting usage, monitoring/monitoring apps, conversations, transparency and education are required to protect our kids with internet access. We will no doubt face backlash, especially if our children already had too much access and we're pulling back on the reigns. But we have to make concrete decisions and be willing to face the pushback from our kids. Social media access is one area that can negatively affect our children for the rest of their lives, and this is an area we should hold the line.
Consider the fact that, once our children are exposed to adult content, we can never reverse the exposure. It's a slow fade into a dark world when a developing brain/mind is exposed to something explicit or frightening. The increase in depression, anxiety and suicidal tendencies can largely be contributed to online exposure to adult content and bullying. Afterall, even adults say things online that they would be unlikely to say in person.
Social media also contributes to attentional problems. Being distracted by a phone while trying to transition in and out of the real world creates memory lapses, mistakes and poor quality of work. Furthermore, the brain develops shorter neural pathways, leading to ADD and even learning deficits, which can result in anxiety later in life.
Your Rules
Parents have been pushed into a box full of societal norms, pressures and expectations in regard to raising children, and the lines between society and our own households have become blurred. Our children are not the only ones getting input, influence and information from social media, we are too, and everyone knows what's best!
Trends in parenting have gone from authoritative/ruling to the most recent, "autonomous supportive", which is a more progressive version of "gentle parenting". Figuring out how to parent in a polarized, turbulent society can be confusing and exhausting, so I'm proposing a solution, "logical parenting"! Logical parenting is simply the idea of reflecting on your own values, reasonable knowledge of child development, and the consequences of certain behaviors based on common sense and experience. If concrete expectations and roles are established in early childhood (providing you're already prepared to handle the peer pressure years), your parenting journey should be less turbulent, in terms of eliminating confusion and reducing how many boundaries a child might challenge to a certain degree. Taking into consideration that life happens and every child is different. Logical parenting takes quite a bit more effort if you are establishing concrete boundaries later in the game. That being said, it is our responsibility to protect and guide our children. It's ok to have an "old fashioned" parenting style. But, even if you choose the "gentle parenting" method, there should be concrete boundaries on the important issues. Respect should not be optional (and this goes for parents as well), and neither should safety. You pay the bills, you are the adult, YOU make the rules.
Communication and Relationship
No one contests that good communication promotes healthy relationships and teaches children and teens how to express themselves in a productive way. We have to be cautious of "too much" communication, however. Emotional intelligence can make parenting easier (if that word even exists in this case), but let's be honest, everyone doesn't have emotional intelligence, or even emotional maturity. This is where turbulence in family relationships can steer everything the wrong way, and where the common sense method comes in. It's where less communication is better. We can't expect everyone to be a great communicator, but we still have to parent. Having basic, concrete boundaries and rules in communication can help us to maintain the upper-hand and avoid the carnage left by bad communication. We shouldn't fault other parents for not being great communicators as they may have other qualities that we lack in parenting. Everyone is not great at everything, and none of us will perfect parenting.
Another caution is to avoid over-explaining and qualifying your rules and decisions to your children, especially when they are upset. Simple explanations such as "I realize that this upsets you and you don't understand my/our decision, but we are taking your safety and wellbeing into consideration and feel that this is what's best for you. We hope you'll understand one day!". Teaching our children some wisdom is always appropriate. It's important to remember that even the most advanced of children do not know what's best for them. Considering a child's input, tweaking it some and asking questions that make them reconsider can help them develop their own emotional intelligence and critical thinking skills (a lost art).
Logical parenting doesn't mean that we know everything, we have the answers to everything or that we are right about everything, it simply means that, with the authority we are given, we have taken all things into consideration and have made a decision. Standing on these types of decisions can help eliminate insecurity in you as a parent and in your child, whether they like your decisions or not.
Hold the Line
Parents, hold the line and don't let society or your children dictate the rules of your home. YOU are the parent and you know what's best for your child, despite what new research, psychologists and society have to say. It's our job as parents to protect our children and ensure healthy development of their bodies, brains, minds and values. The success of the next generation depends on how we respond to our deteriorating societal constructs. We certainly can't claim that humanity is healthier and happier with the discovery of new psychological states or "improvements" in mental health (With the exception of our rejection of shock therapy, that was a good choice!), modern parenting styles or trauma focus. It's time we grow a backbone and reclaim the authority in our homes. Let's stand together and make the 2023 parenting model "Hold the Line".
Get Started With Neurotherapy
Virtual Options
Contact us to schedule a FREE consultation and find out how you can qualify for 3 FREE congitive/behavioral and metabolic assessments.
Contact us at https://www.neurotherapycentersusa.com/contact
Visit our website at https://www.neurotherapycentersusa.com
Visit our Facebook Page https://www.facebook.com/neurocentersusa
*The information in this blog is intended for educational purposes only. The opinions expressed in this blog are the opinions of the blog owner, and any other opinions in quotations are the opinion of the sited reference.
"Copyright Disclaimer under Section 107 of the copyright act 1976, allowance is made for fair use for purposes such as criticism, comment, news reporting, scholarship, and research. Fair use is a use permitted by copyright statute that might otherwise be infringing. Non-profit, educational or personal use tips the balance in favour of fair use."
Neurotherapy Centers of America 2022
PARENTS: Hold the Line!
“If children were meant to run the home, they would have been born larger.” - Foster W. Cline
Autonomous Children?
It seems everyone has an opinion about how we should raise our children and what goes on in everyone else's lives. We get input from psychologists, "studies", friends, parents, and, in modern times, our children themselves. While the natural progression of human development is to slowly obtain autonomy, the idea that children are born with autonomous ability is irrational. Decision-making, judgment, planning, working memory, and impulse control take place in the frontal lobe of the brain, which is the last to develop, peaking at around 25 years of age. During the teen years, other areas of the brain are blasted with hormones and begin to change rapidly, leaving the child with an increasing desire to be independent. With the frontal lobe lagging behind, the need for strong, consistent guidance so as not to be left with making impactful decisions they may later regret also increases. Decisions that cannot be "undone".
“Effective parenting centers around love: love that is not permissive, love that doesn’t tolerate disrespect, but also love that is powerful enough to allow kids to make mistakes and permit them to live with the consequences of those mistakes.” - Foster W. Cline
The Road to Independence
I hear many parents remark that "I just want my child to be happy!". But what makes your child happy in early childhood through their teen years is not what will make them happy later. We must ask ourselves if allowing them to do what makes them happy now could result in an unhappy adulthood. Most parents would agree that allowing our children to drink sodas and consume a processed and sugar based diet makes them happy as they resist healthy, balanced meals, but we adults know that this leads to health and behavioral problems that could last into adulthood. The majority of us don't allow our children to skip-out on education because our child simply don't feel like doing the work (though an increasing issue in the past decade) because we know that education is an essential part of preparing them for the future, giving them knowledge and a disciplined mind. So, what about the more serious issues as our children get older? If we aren't holding the line on basic matters that pertain to their health and wellbeing, how will we confront the more serious, social issues that present in adolescence and teen years? How do we respond to cell phones and unhealthy relationships? What is our role and how far does it reach? The answer to many of these questions is common sense.
Cell Phones: Introduction to Social Media
Any of us would be hard-pressed to find an adult under 60 or a child over 8 that doesn't have a cell phone or some kind of electronic device with internet access. With that in mind, how are we supposed respond to kids and cell phones, or kids and social media? The first excuse parents typically make when handing a child their first cell phone is "They need it for safety!". Parents want their child to be able to call them if they have an emergency. Now, a common sense perspective is that, if your child has an emergency, someone around them likely has a cell phone and will get help. The other perspective is this, what are the chances that a child will be in an emergency where they are unable to contact you in comparison with the chances they will access or be accessed by inappropriate content or individuals online? I'm almost positive that the second possibility is the most likely. Unless you are giving your child a flip phone without internet access, they will access the internet. Even phones like Gabb and Pinwheel can be worked around, though they reduce the likelihood of exposure.
90% of teens 13-17 use social media, according to the "American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry", and nearly half of all American teens use social media "constantly", meaning, all day every day. 42% of all kids in America have a cell phone by age 10. 71% percent by age 12 and by age 14, 91% of all kids have constant access to friends and social media. With that, sexual assault cases related to social media have risen by 300% since 2015, and still, teens are accessing their phones an average of 9 hours per day.
This is truly terrifying information and we have to ask ourselves, why are WE allowing this? Are we obligated to give our children phones because they'll feel left out or be made fun of? In some cases, children can't even make friends without a cell phone. Is there even a simple solution? The answer is that, the solution isn't simple and it's going to require a lot of effort. Limiting usage, monitoring/monitoring apps, conversations, transparency and education are required to protect our kids with internet access. We will no doubt face backlash, especially if our children already had too much access and we're pulling back on the reigns. But we have to make concrete decisions and be willing to face the pushback from our kids. Social media access is one area that can negatively affect our children for the rest of their lives, and this is an area we should hold the line.
Consider the fact that, once our children are exposed to adult content, we can never reverse the exposure. It's a slow fade into a dark world when a developing brain/mind is exposed to something explicit or frightening. The increase in depression, anxiety and suicidal tendencies can largely be contributed to online exposure to adult content and bullying. Afterall, even adults say things online that they would be unlikely to say in person.
Social media also contributes to attentional problems. Being distracted by a phone while trying to transition in and out of the real world creates memory lapses, mistakes and poor quality of work. Furthermore, the brain develops shorter neural pathways, leading to ADD and even learning deficits, which can result in anxiety later in life.
Your Rules
Parents have been pushed into a box full of societal norms, pressures and expectations in regard to raising children, and the lines between society and our own households have become blurred. Our children are not the only ones getting input, influence and information from social media, we are too, and everyone knows what's best!
Trends in parenting have gone from authoritative/ruling to the most recent, "autonomous supportive", which is a more progressive version of "gentle parenting". Figuring out how to parent in a polarized, turbulent society can be confusing and exhausting, so I'm proposing a solution, "logical parenting"! Logical parenting is simply the idea of reflecting on your own values, reasonable knowledge of child development, and the consequences of certain behaviors based on common sense and experience. If concrete expectations and roles are established in early childhood (providing you're already prepared to handle the peer pressure years), your parenting journey should be less turbulent, in terms of eliminating confusion and reducing how many boundaries a child might challenge to a certain degree. Taking into consideration that life happens and every child is different. Logical parenting takes quite a bit more effort if you are establishing concrete boundaries later in the game. That being said, it is our responsibility to protect and guide our children. It's ok to have an "old fashioned" parenting style. But, even if you choose the "gentle parenting" method, there should be concrete boundaries on the important issues. Respect should not be optional (and this goes for parents as well), and neither should safety. You pay the bills, you are the adult, YOU make the rules.
Communication and Relationship
No one contests that good communication promotes healthy relationships and teaches children and teens how to express themselves in a productive way. We have to be cautious of "too much" communication, however. Emotional intelligence can make parenting easier (if that word even exists in this case), but let's be honest, everyone doesn't have emotional intelligence, or even emotional maturity. This is where turbulence in family relationships can steer everything the wrong way, and where the common sense method comes in. It's where less communication is better. We can't expect everyone to be a great communicator, but we still have to parent. Having basic, concrete boundaries and rules in communication can help us to maintain the upper-hand and avoid the carnage left by bad communication. We shouldn't fault other parents for not being great communicators as they may have other qualities that we lack in parenting. Everyone is not great at everything, and none of us will perfect parenting.
Another caution is to avoid over-explaining and qualifying your rules and decisions to your children, especially when they are upset. Simple explanations such as "I realize that this upsets you and you don't understand my/our decision, but we are taking your safety and wellbeing into consideration and feel that this is what's best for you. We hope you'll understand one day!". Teaching our children some wisdom is always appropriate. It's important to remember that even the most advanced of children do not know what's best for them. Considering a child's input, tweaking it some and asking questions that make them reconsider can help them develop their own emotional intelligence and critical thinking skills (a lost art).
Logical parenting doesn't mean that we know everything, we have the answers to everything or that we are right about everything, it simply means that, with the authority we are given, we have taken all things into consideration and have made a decision. Standing on these types of decisions can help eliminate insecurity in you as a parent and in your child, whether they like your decisions or not.
Hold the Line
Parents, hold the line and don't let society or your children dictate the rules of your home. YOU are the parent and you know what's best for your child, despite what new research, psychologists and society have to say. It's our job as parents to protect our children and ensure healthy development of their bodies, brains, minds and values. The success of the next generation depends on how we respond to our deteriorating societal constructs. We certainly can't claim that humanity is healthier and happier with the discovery of new psychological states or "improvements" in mental health (With the exception of our rejection of shock therapy, that was a good choice!), modern parenting styles or trauma focus. It's time we grow a backbone and reclaim the authority in our homes. Let's stand together and make the 2023 parenting model "Hold the Line".
Get Started With Neurotherapy
Virtual Options
Contact us to schedule a FREE consultation and find out how you can qualify for 3 FREE congitive/behavioral and metabolic assessments.
Contact us at https://www.neurotherapycentersusa.com/contact
Visit our website at https://www.neurotherapycentersusa.com
Visit our Facebook Page https://www.facebook.com/neurocentersusa
*The information in this blog is intended for educational purposes only. The opinions expressed in this blog are the opinions of the blog owner, and any other opinions in quotations are the opinion of the sited reference.
"Copyright Disclaimer under Section 107 of the copyright act 1976, allowance is made for fair use for purposes such as criticism, comment, news reporting, scholarship, and research. Fair use is a use permitted by copyright statute that might otherwise be infringing. Non-profit, educational or personal use tips the balance in favour of fair use."
Neurotherapy Centers of America 2022
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©2022 Neurotherapy Centers Of America. All rights reserved.
*We offer a drug-free, non-invasive approach to alleviate symptoms associated with: ADHD, Autism Spectrum Disorders, Anxiety, Insomnia, Learning Disorders, Memory Loss, Fibromyalgia, Migraine and more..